Self-love Tips

Self-love is about caring for your own happiness and well-being. To make this concept more relatable, imagine it as tending to a garden. Picture yourself as the gardener, looking after the growth of your thoughts, physical health, and inner self. Your self-care is like the rain and sunshine that keep this garden flourishing. It’s your responsibility to maintain healthy soil, remove any weeds that could hinder progress, and ensure each part of the garden receives what it needs to thrive. Your job is to tend to this garden—watering it when it’s thirsty, nourishing it with healthy nutrients, and pruning away anything that threatens its balance.

Self-love is about treating yourself with care, attention, and respect. Just as a well-tended garden flourishes, a person who practises self-love experiences a state of balance and harmony. This care translates into long-term feelings of contentment, joy, and happiness. On the flip side, neglecting self-love can lead to discontentment, unhappiness, and even states of depression.

The topic of self-love has been buzzing for the last two year. In fact, even in the last week, I must have read about it more than twenty times! But despite hearing the words “self-love” everywhere, what does this statement even mean, and why is it so important?

To me, self-love means appreciating and accepting who we are. It’s something that grows from our actions overtime – from how we treat ourselves and how we talk to ourselves. And it’s an inner flame that needs to be nurtured, and that nurturing takes time. So when we think about it like that, self-love is actually a lifelong commitment to ourselves. It’s a pledge to listen to our own needs, to treat ourselves well, and to get to know who we really are.

Learning to love the unique individual we are means learning to give ourselves unconditional respect, kindness and understanding. This is an ongoing process that helps us to see that we’re worthy, valuable, and deserving of happiness just as we are. In fact, we don’t need anybody else to prove this to us. Everything we need is within us and when we develop daily self-love rituals, we strengthen this understanding.

As I hope you can see, self-love is not just an abstract concept—it’s essential for a healthy and fulfilling life. Here’s why it matters:

1. Foundation for Mental and Emotional Health
Self-love is the cornerstone of both your body and mind. When you love yourself, you develop a positive internal dialogue, which protects you against self-criticism, low self-esteem, and negative thought patterns. Without this foundation, you may be more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, and burnout.

2. Improved Relationships
Self-love supports your mental and emotional well-being. By valuing yourself, you naturally attract healthier relationships where mutual respect and care are present. Self-love also makes you less likely to tolerate toxic behaviours or unhealthy dynamics, as you become more aware of your worth. And it helps you assert healthy boundaries, speak up when necessary, and clearly express your needs.

3. Increased Resilience
Loving yourself helps you build resilience in facing life’s challenges. When you encounter setbacks, self-love gives you the strength to pick yourself back up, rather than falling into patterns of self-blame or defeat. It helps you approach challenges with a growth mindset and compassion, making it easier to handle life’s ups and downs.

4. Empowerment and Personal Growth
Self-love gives you the strength you need to take control of your life. When you believe in your own worth, you’re more likely to set boundaries, pursue your goals, and make decisions that align with your true desires. This leads to greater personal growth and fulfilment, as you begin to create a life that reflects your authentic self.

When you prioritise self-love, the ripple effects are profound. Here’s how self-love can transform your life:

Increased Happiness and Fulfilment
Self-love shifts your focus from external validation to internal contentment. Instead of always seeking approval or trying to meet others’ expectations, you learn to find happiness within yourself. This inner fulfilment leads to a more peaceful, joyful existence, where you feel whole regardless of external circumstances.

Better Choices
Loving yourself means making decisions that care for your well-being. Whether it’s deciding to leave a toxic job, ending an unhealthy relationship, or simply choosing to rest when you’re tired, self-love guides you towards decisions that support your highest good. This leads to a life that feels more aligned with your true needs and desires.

Greater Confidence and Self-Esteem
Self-love builds confidence. When you approach yourself with compassion and respect, you strengthen the belief that you are worthy and capable. This confidence empowers you to take risks, pursue opportunities, and stand up for yourself, ultimately leading to greater success and self-fulfilment.

Deeper Connections with Others
Self-love enhances your relationships with others. When you nurture self-love, you establish the level of respect and care you expect from others. When you embrace and value yourself, you’re much more capable of doing the same for others. This leads to greater empathy, compassion, and understanding, enhancing your relationships and bringing more depth to your connections.

Here are five tips that helped me build a deeper sense of self-love. These practices have made a huge difference in my life, and I continue to offer them to my 1:1 Somatic Transformation clients. I hope they bring the same positive impact to yours.

1. Take Responsibility for Your Life: Oprah once said, “Take responsibility for your life.” This is powerful advice. No one else can save you, fix you, or make you feel whole—you have to do this for yourself. Taking responsibility involves identifying what you want from life and starting to do what it takes to make it happen. Think about something in your life that you’d like to change or improve.

What can you do today to move closer to that change you need in life? It could be anything—travelling more, improving your finances, changing jobs, or simply eating better. Once you identify what you want, ask yourself:

• What steps do I need to take to make this happen?
• What can I do today to move closer to this goal?

For instance, after years of constant touring, I recognised that I needed to adjust my lifestyle. I wanted to travel while continuing to work, so I restructured my business to allow for both. This change allowed me to live the life I dreamed of—spending time in places like Bali, Thailand, and Australia while still working online. The key was taking responsibility and making the necessary changes.

2. Plan Self-Care into Your Day: Self-care looks different for everyone, but it’s crucial to make it a daily habit. For me, self-care includes a solid morning and evening routine, as well as intentional breaks throughout the day. These practices help me rejuvenate and maintain balance.

Consider scheduling self-care into your day, whether it’s taking a walk, meditating, or simply being still. Sometimes, self-care might involve treating yourself to a massage or facial—things that might feel indulgent but are actually investments in your well-being. Making self-care a priority sends a strong message: you value yourself and are worth the effort.
Ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do today for self-care?

3. Practise Gratitude Daily: Gratitude is a game-changer! Studies show that gratitude can improve mental health and your overall outlook. One practice I’ve incorporated into my daily routine is a gratitude exercise before bed. Each night, I list five things I’m grateful for and five things I love about myself.

Being grateful helps put our attention on the positive and end the day on a high note. When you reflect on what you’re grateful for and what you love about yourself, your subconscious mind processes this information as you sleep, priming you for a positive mindset when you wake up.

Try it out: Write down five things you’re grateful for and five things you love about yourself before bed tonight. See how this practice affects your mood and outlook.

4. Treat Yourself with Kindness: How we talk to ourselves matters. Negative self-talk can be incredibly destructive, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Instead, practise self-compassion. When you mess up, take a moment to be kind to yourself. Put a hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and gently remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes.

One of my teachers once told me, “Your thoughts can kill.” It’s true—how we think shapes our perception of the world. So, when you catch yourself being self-critical, pause and choose kindness. Self-compassion is a strong way to nurture self-love.

Next time you make a mistake, try this: Place your hand over your heart and say, “It’s okay. I love you.” This small gesture can make a big difference.

5. Keep Your Vibe Light! Maintaining positive energy is crucial for self-love. Do things that you find fun and that you love to do, such as spending time alone or with family, eating healthy food, or getting enough rest. Surround yourself with positive influences—people, places, and activities that lift you up. If you’re unsure of what makes you feel good, start exploring! Try new hobbies, visit new places, or spend time in nature. Keeping your vibe light helps you stay connected to joy and gratitude, which are essential components of self-love.

Tip: Pick one thing that makes you happy and make it part of your daily routine. Whether it’s a yoga class, a creative hobby, or simply taking time for yourself, prioritise what brings you joy.

This is an exercise from my Self-Love course called The Power of Loving Touch that I’d like to share with you:

There is something very soothing about touch. And we don’t have to wait for someone else to do this for us—we can do it for ourselves and feel the gentle nurture such an act brings! This might feel strange at first, but I ask you to try it out with an open mind.

So, try this with me:

• Wrap both arms around yourself and hold yourself. You may like to rock gently from side to side. Imagine you’re holding a precious child or a dear friend. Feel the love from your heart pour back into yourself.
  
• Now let out a sound. You might like to try “mmmm,” holding that sound as you feel the love from your heart pouring into yourself. You can try “ahhhh” or a sigh. Experiment with different sounds, then choose the one that feels good for you.
  
• Stay here in this space with yourself, loving yourself, for a while.

I recommend trying this exercise each day for two weeks to build trust with yourself. You may like to keep a journal to note your reflections during that time. It’s all about gently shifting your relationship with yourself.

Another nourishing exercise we can practise to deepen our relationship with ourselves is through appreciation, by recognising and actively acknowledging what we have achieved—however big or small that may be.

In our busy lives, it’s easy to overlook the things we do well. We’re often so focused on ticking off the next task that we forget to pause and recognise our efforts. That’s where self-acknowledgement comes in. It’s a simple practice, but when done consistently, it can be incredibly powerful in nurturing self-love. Whether it’s something small, like sticking to your self-care routine, or something bigger, like facing a fear, taking the time to acknowledge these moments can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself.

To integrate self-acknowledgement into your daily life, try these simple exercises:

1. Daily Self-Acknowledgement Practice: At the end of each day, reflect on something you accomplished. This could be keeping a promise to yourself, engaging in self-care, or doing something outside of your comfort zone. Say it out loud or write it down, without judgment, to reinforce the positive feeling.

2. Reflecting on Personal Achievements: Think about an achievement, whether big or small, that you accomplished despite fear or discomfort. Recognise the effort you put into overcoming challenges, such as learning a new skill or completing a task you were nervous about.

3. Physical Acknowledgement: After recognising an achievement, physically acknowledge yourself by patting yourself on the back or giving yourself a hug. Celebrate the moment with a small gesture, like a smile, to reinforce the positive experience.

4. Seven-Day Challenge: For the next seven days, practise self-acknowledgement daily. At the end of each day, take time to acknowledge at least one thing you did well. Observe how this consistent practice makes you feel over the course of the week.

Incorporating self-acknowledgement into your daily routine can be a simple yet impactful way to build self-love and improve your overall well-being. By recognising and celebrating your achievements, you foster a more positive relationship with yourself.

1. Create a Self-Love Mirror Ritual: This is this first thing I do in the morning when I look in the mirror. Pausing, I look into my eyes and say to myself, “I love you.” I say this a few times and really say it with meaning. This may be strange for you at first, but overtime I’ve found it to be a wonderful way to develop a positive relationship with myself. Try it out and see how it feels for you.

If you need more support with this, download my free self-love meditation, and I’ll talk you through the process, so you don’t need to feel alone.

2. Transform Negative Self-Talk: Sometimes we talk to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to another person. This leaves us feeling awful about ourselves, so policing our self-talk is important in nurturing self-love. How can you do it? Try to become aware of your inner voice.

If something happens and you catch yourself speaking badly to yourself, stop the pattern immediately. Say “stop!” Take a moment to breathe in and out, and then replace the negative self-talk by saying, “I love and accept myself as I am, now.” Again, this may sound weird but it’s honestly helped me a lot. Try it out for yourself.

3. Make “Me” Time: Make time for yourself at a specific time within a day that’s just for you, and use this time to treat yourself well. This is a date with yourself, so close your computer and put away your phone!

Find out it means to you to “treat yourself?” Maybe it’s cooking your favourite meal or listening to inspiring music. Maybe it’s having a bath with scented candles, giving yourself a 15-minute foot massage, or singing at the top of your lungs just for you. Whatever it is, block out this time for you. Get curious, be playful and see how much fun you can have with it!

4. Acknowledge your Achievements: This step comes directly from my e-Book The Morning Mindful Practice and is the fourth priming question in it. Recognizing and acknowledging ourselves for what we have done achieved is a great technique to help us feel good, be inspired and develop fresh motivation.

How can you do it? Find one thing in the last few days you did that was a challenge for you – however big or small – and say, “I acknowledge myself for having achieved (insert challenge).” And, most importantly, take a moment to feel how doing this feels for you. Drink it down all the way into your toes!

5. Develop Mindfulness: When we are more mindful of our needs, thoughts and feelings, we can better serve ourselves and others. We can make more informed decisions about what to do – and NOT do – in any given moment, and we understand when we need to say no. Like self-love, or yoga, mindfulness is something that needs to be developed overtime through patience and practice.

To recap, self-love begins with taking responsibility for your life, prioritising self-care, practising gratitude, treating yourself with kindness, and keeping your vibe light. These practices may seem simple, but when done consistently, they can transform your relationship with yourself.

Keep in mind that self-love is a journey, not a destination. But the more you invest in loving and caring for yourself, the more fulfilled, joyful, and balanced your life will become. It requires daily effort and patience.

Self-love starts with you—so why not begin today? If you need support on your journey, consider booking a free, 1:1 Somatic Transformation coaching session with me. In it, we’ll explore areas in your life where you feel blocked from experiencing flow and a loving relationship with yourself. I’ll provide you with tools to transform this immediately.