Amplify Your Voice with Radical Self-Acceptance
Amplify Your Impact: Through Emotional Regulation & Radical Self-Acceptance.
Have you heard the phrase, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it that matters” before? And have you ever noticed how your voice changes when you feel certain emotions? Like how different your voice sounds when you’re angry, happy or sad? We all know the feeling of words getting stuck in our throats when our emotions are high, but what can we do about it?
As humans, we’re emotional creatures. Our emotions influence not only our minds, but also our bodies. They create chemical reactions and trigger body memory patterns, which significantly affect our voice. And this is where the healing power of self-acceptance becomes very important in the way we express ourselves.
Where Emotions Arise & How This Affects Our Sound
I’m going to go a little scientific on you here but please bear with me! After reading what I share it will help you to better understand yourself and your voice 🙂
Emotions in The Body
The place in the body where most emotions emerge is called the limbic system. When an emotion is activated here, a chain reaction takes place which causes nerve signals to tell the body how to physically behave. If we’re angry, that chain reaction might involve a spike of adrenaline, a tightening in the chest and sweaty palms. In contrast, if we’re happy it might involve muscle relaxation, an opening of the chest area and a sense of ease.
Take a moment to reflect on your own daily emotional experiences. If you wish to, close your eyes and consider a moment where you felt good. Bring this memory to your mind. Take time to strengthen it, making it more vivid and intense. After some time, notice how your body feels. Do you feel tense or relaxed? How is your breathing rate?
As an experiment, repeat the word “yes,” a few times, loudly. Stay curious and observe the way your voice sounds from your current physical space, which is directed from the emotional memory you’re engaging with.
Now, try the opposite. Bring to mind a recent moment where you felt either angry or frustrated. Let this memory wash through you. Feel it. After some time, observe what happens to your physical state. How is the current level of tension in your body? What’s happening with your breathing?
This time, try repeating the word “no,” and see what happens. Simply observe the way your voice sounds when it’s impacted by this emotional, physical state.
Emotions & Sound Production
As you may have observed in the last exercise, every emotion is different and each causes a slightly different experience in our body. But the thing is, as your voice is produced by your body, any emotional reaction going on in the body directly affects how you’re able to express yourself. And I know, that this can be super frustrating!
You see, all the nerve signals related to whatever emotion you’re feeling at any time are transmitted back to the muscles that control your voice. They’re relayed to your breathing system as well as to your jaw, neck, shoulders, tongue and larynx (where your vocal folds live). Everything is connected. So that means if you have tension in your body, that tension will end up putting tension and stress on your voice. Or, if you have tension in your jaw because you’re a little angry, or a tightness in your chest because you’re anxious, your voice will be affected from this.
It won’t come out sounding how you’d like it to. In these situations of tension and stress, your voice won’t truly represent who you are or come across sounding how you wish to be heard. Rather, it will be a limited version of your true vocal potential.
Emotions & Self-Expression
As I said, I understand that the effect emotions have on your voice can be super frustrating. And of course this is especially true for situations which trigger strong emotions and where you may wish to express yourself in a specific way, but instead may end up sounding totally different.
Take a moment to consider these two situations to see if you can relate to them:
You need to give a presentation to senior management at work, and you want your voice to sound powerful and convincing during it. You’ve prepared all the material and have practised your speech many times. The night before the presentation, you mentally go through every sentence again, visualizing exactly how you want to sound and the effect you want to have.
The next day comes, and you begin your presentation, but instead of speaking confidently like you imagined you would, your voice begins to shake and your pitch rises. Your hands sweat, your heart feels like it’s going to break through your chest, and your voice sounds very small. Rather than feeling confident, knowable and assertive, like you know you are, you come across sounding like a timid child who has practically no idea what they’re talking about! In fact, the wisdom and knowledge you want to share, doesn’t carry because your voice is so shut down due to your emotional reaction to the situation.
You need to talk to your partner about a problem in the relationship. It’s something you’re uncomfortable to speak about, so you go through what you want to say, and how you’d like to say it, in your head beforehand. But despite your preparations, when you begin speaking, your voice doesn’t come out sounding the way you wanted it to.
Instead, you have the exact opposite experience to what you wanted. Your knees feel like jelly, your voice sounds brittle, and it gets stuck in your throat. Instead of speaking your truth and sharing what you needed to share, you swallow back the words and pretend what you wanted to say wasn’t important.
Emotions & How You Speak
I know I can find myself in both of the above situations. But I promise you, this isn’t where the conversation ends! What you need is for your voice to be empowered through your emotions, rather than diminished by them unexpectedly.
To get to that place, it’s important to understand that no matter what you want to say, emotions govern how that is going to come out. Emotions effect:
- The pitch you express yourselves in
- The speed you say things at
- The melody you use when speaking
- The amount of strength or weakness heard in your voice
- How you use your breath when you’re speaking
- The way you articulate and emphasize the words you use
- And, despite your best planing, even the words you choose to say!
- And of course, how the other person will be impacted by what you say
Self-Acceptance is The Key to Vocal Freedom
Self-acceptance is a long process that can be intimidating at times. It means to accept every facet of your being, everything that makes you who you are and all the things that brought you to this point in your life. It also means to accept not only the outer circumstances of your life, but also everything going on in your inner world, now. Your thoughts. Your feelings. All of it. I know how challenging this can be, but it’s necessary. If we fail to practice self-acceptance, we effectively disown parts of ourselves, causing disruptions within.
As your voice is a part of you, anytime you fail to own who you are at this moment, you take power away from your voice. You effectively shut down apart from it, as you shut down a part of yourself. This is why learning to embrace your whole self – both your strengths and your vulnerabilities, the pieces you’re happy with and ALL the ones you’re not – empowers your voice to find true resonance, creating harmony between your inner essence and the sound you share with the world. This is how you can find true vocal freedom.
When We Don’t Accept Ourselves, This Happens
Not accepting ourselves means being unable to accept our thoughts and feelings in the present moment. I’ve experienced this at times when I felt like I had to feel a certain way towards a situation, when in reality I was repressing my true feelings. The thing is, in some way or another the emotions we hold back will come out whether we like it or not! I see this in myself when I feel angry at someone, but rather than constructively sharing that anger with them, I try to keep my voice calm and not show what I’m feeling inside.
But what happens is that my voice ends up shaking from the anger. I then feel frustrated because I wasn’t able to control the sound of my voice at that moment and hide my anger. And this frustration then leads to a split being caused within me, which further impacts my voice. Often it makes my voice break, causing me to not be able to express myself at all. Then I feel incredibly frustrated, shut down and sad, leading to even more frustration and the cycle continues!
Vocal Freedom comes through Correct Technique & Self-Acceptance
An important lesson I’ve learned through years of singing and practicing mindfulness is how crucial self-acceptance is for achieving vocal freedom. By accepting ourselves and our emotions at every moment in time, we become whole. Our emotions will start to impact us positively, energising and enlivening our voice. The act of self-acceptance is a truly nurturing practice which has only positive benefits when we speak or sing.
By accepting yourself, your voice becomes not only a reflection of your inner state but a vessel through which your authenticity shines out into the world, creating a profound heart-to-heart connection with those you are speaking to.
Using Emotions as Transformative Fuel for Your Voice
Next, I want to show you a voice exercise from my online courses. It will allow you to actively use your emotions as a source of energy for your voice, whether for speaking or singing.
- Begin by sitting in a comfortable place with no disturbances.
- Close down your eyes and turn your attention within. Focus on your breath. Observe the rhythm of your breath as it moves in and out of your body.
- Now focus on what you’re feeling at this moment. Don’t try to influence it. Just be aware of it and let it exist within you.
- Next, imagine this feeling as a living and moving energy. Watch it as it moves within you. If you like, you can even see it as a colour.
- Observe where you feel this energy in your body. Again, don’t try to change or influence it. Simply allow it to be there as it is.
- Now take a loving breath in and chant Om. As you do this, try and imagine the energy moving from where it’s located in your body and merging with your voice. Let your feelings be carried away through the vibrations of your voice.
- Repeat step 6 at least five times.
- When you’ve finished, breathe deeply into your belly and exhale with a sigh. Then slowly open your eyes.
For me, this is an incredibly great way to show self-love and self-acceptance to myself and my voice. Accepting our emotions as they are and working with them, rather than against them when we speak or sing, enables us to embrace ourselves in any situation. Expressing ourselves, whether in speaking or singing, from this place of wholeness is truly empowering. Don’t let anything hold you back from doing this in your life.
Kirbanu is an Australian Bhakti musician, yoga teacher and voice empowerment coach helping you connect to your truest nature and express yourself authentically and without fear from this place. In the last 8 years, she’s given over 700 concerts and masterclasses across Europe and Australasia, and has performed at over 20 festivals and conferences. Her passion is to share practical tools that help you remove any obstacles to your deepest self-love and most authentic expression.